I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough"

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The ability to recognize and understand their shame triggers. High levels of critical awareness about their shame web. The willingness to reach out to others. The ability to speak shame." pg 67 Which leads me to despair when I think about where our society is today. Brown quotes Mavis Leno as follows - 'If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it IS personal.' I see so much fighting over the rights of people we've never met, which is important, but there is a reluctance to connect authentically to the people in front of us, because that it is too uncomfortable when we don't have a keyboard and thousands of miles to hide behind.

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth

However, achieving this kind of comprehension is not easy. To do that, you need to possess the ability to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and see things from their perspective. The importance of empathy: The author emphasizes the importance of empathy in reducing feelings of shame, and provides tips for developing empathy and becoming a more compassionate person. Indeed, the exact characteristics of shame are hard to describe, so it is no wonder most people do not recognize its roots. However, what we can say for sure is that at its core, shame is connected with the feeling or thought of not being good enough. Brené’s first TED Talk – the Power of Vulnerability is the fourth most watched TED talk in the world (although Brené actually hasn’t watched it).Now the part of the book that I was constantly feeling weird about was actually how much negativity it brought into my mind, of course awareness is good, but as I am listening to this, I'm constantly hearing first person stories ie. "I am not enough", "I don't deserve love" etc. I understand that this is to hear another persons perspective, but I have been listening to a lot of Positive Affirmations lately and also realising the Power of the 'I am' statements, listening to this book made me a little wary of what my subconscious was taking in. The shame resilience theory is a grounded theory and is based on building resilience to shame by connecting with our authentic selves and growing meaningful relationships with other people. Shame resilience involves moving towards empathy (courage, connection and compassion) when we are experiencing shame and away from shame (fear, blame and disconnection). As far as we know, there is one antidote to shame: empathy. But, receiving compassion is not everything – in fact, it is just as vital for you to empathize with others as well.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME (BUT IT ISN’T): MAKING THE JOURNEY

very personal and “shameful” things to each other. According to renowned shame researcherDr. Brene Brown, shame is the “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and […] Speaking shame is so important as its survival depends on going undetected (i.e. through secrecy and silence). Subsequently, if we recognise and understand our triggers, practice critical awareness and reach out to others, we can grow our resilience as we practice communicating about our shame with our most-trusted advisors who use their own compassion and courage whilst listening and supporting us. As Brown points out, we are made for connection. And personally, for me, when I've attempted to form that connection, only to be rejected because others don't want to get down in the mess, it only deepens my shame and makes me become even more disconnected and withdrawn. Shame Resilience Theory (SRT) was developed by Dr Brené Brown. Brené wrote about the theory in her book I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough” and has spoken about it several times in her talks, including –A blogger friend mentioned Brene Brown after I wrote a blog post about vulnerability. My friend said in her comment that I was courageous, yet I'd written the post about how scary it was to be vulnerable. I was puzzled as to how that made me courageous. Then I read I Thought It Was Just Me and I understood better. Brown explains courage as the strength to speak your heart - and this type of courage is one of the key ways to develop and maintain shame resilience. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) offers a liberating study on the importance of our imperfections—both to our relationships and to our own sense of self. The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection. Summary Points & Takeaways from I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Top Quote: “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ( Meaning) - I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Quotes, Brené Brown What do critics say? Recognising shame and understanding our triggers (e.g. physical responses like our heart racing or tightness in our chest), specifically focused on how to be resilient against the feeling of shame. Dr. Brown, introduced the shame resilience theory in her book citing four step toward […]

I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Co…

In her research, Brené found that when people don’t recognise their shame and the expectations and messages that trigger shame, we put up shame screens. A shame screen is a defence mechanism that we use to protect ourselves as it triggers our primal fight, flight and freeze response. It means we either – Or consider another participant whose mother committed suicide when she was in high school. It was a time when she needed support and compassion, but she was instead ostracized by her fellow students for being the daughter of a crazy lady who hung herself. I am so overwhelmed by this book. It has been life-changing for me. But I am afraid to share an honest review, because of how people who know me and read the review will judge me.

You have to forget about judgment and be fully present in the moment, and aware of the other person’s words and emotions. Key Lessons from “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)” This book, for me, was like how it is in college when you take your first class in psych and suddenly you see psychosis everywhere. I see shame and shaming everywhere now - in how people comment on the internet, talk about politics, treat kids, work together, tell stories about themselves... It really does pervade everything. Shame manifests through various symptoms: red face and shaking, difficulty swallowing, and even more extreme ones like the inability to even get out of bed.